Embracing boundless Love

This has been somewhat a crazy week for me (explains the late blog post). I lost a very good friend of mine on Monday (long story for another day). The crazy, funny, kind of person who you can talk about everything and nothing with. I cried my eyes out, went and attempted to vent my frustrations to my sister ineffectively, and then prayed about it telling myself I was gon be okay.

On Wednesday evening I happened to be in a meeting with one of the Pastors at the Karura Community Chapel. After the meeting, she asked me to stay behind for the prayer service. It is during the service, that I realized I hadn't quite dealt with my loss; I'd just numbed myself to the pain. I broke down as I felt God wrap His arms around me, but then I unconsciously exited pretty quickly. It’s as if I couldn't trust God with my heart, or felt undeserving of such love.

Yesterday a friend of mine accused me of loving on people but not allowing them to love on me. He said "You have a way of blocking out people, you are too guarded!"

As I mentioned in my first blog, I've had my share of being hurt, which caused me to build a wall that ensured that no one came close enough to hurt me. I honestly thought I was done being all closed up, but clearly the healing process ain’t over.

But now the sad thing is that, I close everyone out including God. I haven't allowed myself to fully enjoy this Love that He has for me. It’s not something that I do consciously; I didn’t even know I was doing it! For a long time I always felt like everyone I got attached to left, kinda like Peyton in 'One tree hill'; and that made me keep everyone at arms’ length so it wouldn’t hurt much when they left. With that I now found it hard to allow God to love on me in my time of pain.

This morning I began reading the book 'Boundaries' by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend and have been picking out the various boundaries that I've put up in my life. Some are good but some like the one above, not so good. It's a boundary that makes it hard for me to ask for help; one that will not allow me to show or share what’s going on inside. One that disallows me from letting anyone near my heart, even God! But the loss of my friend has brought to my attention that there are still some areas in my life that need to be dealt with from the roots.

I'm certain that I'm not the only one with this bad habit. So today I would like to invite you on a journey, where we allow God to break down any walls hindering us from receiving His love. When sick, getting into a hospital is step one towards healing, step two would be to see a doctor and consent with him on what will make you better. The same way, accepting Christ as your Lord and savior is step one towards wholeness, step two would be being real with God on areas that affect you, and allowing Him to help you deal with them. God will never force Himself in, He waits for you to allow Him in.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me. {Revelation 3:20 NKJV} 

I'm still hurting, but I'm now willing to consciously allow God to love on me. If I can learn that, then I can learn how to let the people He sends my way, love on me too. Let’s allow God to get rid of unhealthy boundaries in our lives, so we can receive His boundless Love.