Take off your mask!

My parents got retrenched in the year 2000 when I was in my fourth year in high school, just before my final exam. It was a big blow to the family and a trying time for all of us as we gradually lost almost everything. Personally, I'd found a sense of security in our family’s financial status and in the plush lifestyle we lived before; and now that that was gone, my world was crumbling. I felt like I was losing who I was. (The rest of the family probably felt the same way-I don’t know). I couldn’t tell any of my high school friends what was going on, I preferred that their image of my family and I remain intact, and even as years went by, I never let anyone know how badly off we were doing- I had an image (my sense of identity) to maintain (well at least that’s what I told myself).

As you’d have it, we lost many friends, got laughed at, mocked and even some family members distanced themselves from us. They say you have many friends when you’re rich, and few to zero, whenever they discover you now have nothing. Maybe we deserved to be treated that way for being stuck up and probably snobbish, I don’t know, and right now it don matter.

The best thing that this retrenchment did was bringing us together as a family. (You see before then, everyone had a life of their own and even though we had a zillion family outings and activities, we never really knew each other).13yrs later we as a family have grown into friends who’ve bonded and are closer and happier than we'd ever be should they have kept their jobs. I wouldn’t trade this bond for all the money this world could offer!

We live in a society where one is valued based on what they have and what they do as opposed to who they are. Because of this, people have pursued different things in order to feel like, or be accepted as a ‘somebody’. Some go for academic qualification, others pursue money, others material stuff, others bleach their skin or lose weight while others befriend, date/marry into prestigious families. People will go so far in order to fit in/be accepted/feel valued-find something/someone to be identified with.  Many people esteemed us highly when we had money, few, for who we are, majority for what we had and the network we were in.

Eric B. Johnson in the book “Momentum’ says: “If our identity is wrapped up in what we do in our lives, and if what we do doesn’t go well, our identity crumbles. The decision to get our affection and approval from those around us is a sure-fire way to invite a collapse. If we can stay in that place of who we are, it will naturally determine what we do.”

I’ve learnt and talked about the importance of one finding their Identity in God. Locating your identity in God and actually living in that reality is not a one off thing; hence the bible instructs us to renew our minds {Romans 12:2}. Renewing our minds involves reminding ourselves on a daily basis, about who God says we are, and find our security in that. When we live our lives with that truth in mind, even when we are in certain situations, we‘ll only be influenced by the truth and not the situation and circumstances. Unfortunately, we often carry the truth into situations, but come out not holding to that truth anymore.

The other day something happened that caused me to almost snap back to low self-esteem mode.
(If you’ve read my previous blogs, you know where I’m coming from. I grew up trying to prove myself.) So, I was saying, something happened the other day that made me feel unqualified and undeserving; I felt that someone else was better qualified than me. I was defining myself based on academic qualification and almost went into ‘back to my cocoon, shut down mode’, then my friend Pastor James (and I’ll be in trouble for calling him that) said a sobering statement. He reminded me that it was God that defines me and that I need not prove anything to anyone. He then said “There is more to it that defines you than what you actually think….. There will be no need to be approved by others since the path you took in pursuing God shows who defines you”

Sounds simple ‘ey, but we forget. That’s why we need to constantly remind ourselves and that’s why it’s important that we have people in our lives to slap us back to focus.

Dr. Mark Chironna puts it this way “The need to belong runs deep. You can’t know yourself by yourself. Being alone isn’t good.” He then warns “However, when the need to be accepted ‘no matter what’ drives you to live up to the expectation of others, you compromise internal integrity to avoid rejection. When self-worth is dependent on fitting in, the real you will never ‘belong’; But when you’re comfortable in your own skin, the real you has no need to fit in” ~

God placed us on earth for a purpose. It is in our true identity that we are able to fulfill this purpose. The bible in many instances tells us of how Jesus separated Himself from his disciples and the crowds, to spend time with God the father. By investing himself in God He was never confused about who He was and He never strived to be what He was not to gain approval from people. He gained favour with man because He had favour with God first, not because He was seeking approval.

The place of intimacy with God should be the driving motivation behind our pursuit for this purpose. Whatever is motivated by this Love relationship will be stable, whatever is motivated by anything else (e.g. a need to be approved by men), will crumble and fall. It is in this relationship that we can confidently ditch the masks we’ve been wearing and be who we really are.

Bill Johnson says “Christians who live out of who they really are cannot be crippled by the opinions of others. They don’t work to fit into other people’s expectations but burn with the realization of who the father says they are.”

Now let’s take an honest look at ourselves and answer this:

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you seek to be approved by man or God?

Are you secure in who you are?

In what or whom do you find your sense of value…. your identity?

Is it Academic certificates/degrees? Career accomplishments? Money? Your car, house, business, job?

Take off that mask of false identity, and embrace who the father says you are!